We are confused.

That in itself is not worth posting on our site, because we are often confused.   (Where are my car keys?  What day is it?  What did I eat to make me feel this way?  What is the difference between men and women?  What is the meaning of life?   Sorry, we got carried away on existential rift.  Let’s get back to what’s important in the world, or at least in the southeastern part of the United States: football.)

Pete Carroll was the senior athlete of the year in 1969 at Redwood High School in Larkspur

In this case our confusion involves  Pac-10 football coaches, and we would love to know what is going on in the heads of some of these guys.  We can only guess, which makes for a better story anyway.

So here are some bits of news, followed by what the coach might be thinking.

Pete Carroll leaves USC to become head coach of the Seattle Seahawks

Possible Carroll thoughts:  Glad I got out of there while the getting was  good.   Even though we dominated the national scene for nearly a decade, an 8-5 season next season after going 9-4 this year would have people calling for my job, and I don’t need that.   This was not a pleasant season.   We lost to Washington coached by my former assistant.  We got blown out at Oregon.  We lost to Stanford, and Harbaugh rubbed it in.   That was embarrassing because I am from the Bay Area.   I was born in San Francisco and last spring I was inducted into the Hall of Fame at Redwood High School in Larkspur. See that photo of me on left?   Ah, those were the days.  Things change so quickly for me these days.   One mediocre season, and everyone is all over us.   Then, Charlie Weis said publicly before he got canned that I am living with a graduate student.  I don’t need that either.   And all those reports about possible violations and sanctions in my USC program could hurt recruiting, and I don’t need that either.   I know the NFL is not my bag, but they’re throwing millions of dollars my way and they’ll give me at least two years here, maybe three, and then I can return to a big-time college job for millions of bucks, like Steve Spurrier, Butch Davis, Dave Wannstedt and Nick Saban did.   I can see now that failing at the NFL level does not hurt your resume for a college job.  In fact, it seems to up your asking price.   And for good reason: lousy NFL head coaches often do well at the college level.

Lane Kiffin gets hired as USC’s head coach

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Lane Kiffin (right) did not have much success with the the Raiders and quarterback Jamarcus Russell, but it was enough to land the Tennessee job -- San Francisco Chronicle photo by Paul Chinn

 Possible Kiffin thoughts:  Well, I fooled ‘em again.  It’s a good thing they listen to my schtick instead of looking at my resume, because I’d still be a graduate assistant somewhere.    I wasn’t much of a college player at Fresno State, so I decided to become a student assistant coach as a senior.   I got a job as a graduate assistant for a year at Colorado State, working with the offensive line.  After that I worked for a year as a quality-control assistant with the Jacksonville Jaguars of the NFL.   Nobody knows what that job is exactly, but it’s a lot of everything but not much of anything.   Sometimes it’s just a gofer job.   And I worked with the defense, not the offense.    Somehow I convinced Pete Carroll to hire me as a tight ends coach at USC based on one year of that.     In my fourth year at USC, I persuaded Carroll to make me the passing-game coordinator, even though he already had one of the best offensive coordinators in college football, Norm Chow.   The next year, I talked Pete into giving me even more responsibility, which, I guess is why Norm left, so I slid right into the offensive-coordinator job.   A year later, I talked Al Davis into making me an NFL head coach, even though I was only 31, had never been a head coach at any level and had been a coordinator for just two  seasons.  Nobody wanted the job, so I figured I go for it and try to use the exposure to make be more attractive.    Al didn’t even know my name – he called me Lance – but I didn’t care.   The Raiders were just 5-15 when I was there, but I got out of there before it got worse by criticizing the entire operation. laying the blame elsewhere.  I must be a sharp guy because I turned that disaster into gold by landing the head coaching job at Tennessee, one of the most prestigious jobs in college sports, even though I was just 33 had accomplished virtually nothing as a head coach.  They were saying in Knoxville that Tennessee had never hired a coach with worse credentials, but what do they know.  I barely had a winning record in one season there, going 7-6, plus I called Urban Meyer a liar and incurred some secondary NCAA violations.  But when I talked to USC athletic director Mike Garrett, he didn’t seem to care about any of that.   I was blown away, but I figured I might as well make the most of the opportunity, and I convinced him I could do the job at USC, perhaps the most successful program in the nation the past 10 years, even though there was nothing  in my background to suggest I could handle it.    Trying to steal Norm from UCLA didn’t work out, but, what the heck, I’ll probably mess things up here, which should land me a job as head coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Mike Riley stays at Oregon State, dismissing the opportunity for a lot more money, a lot more fame and a lot more national success that he could have had at USC

Possible Riley thoughts: I said before that leaving Oregon State the first time to take the San Diego Chargers job was one of my biggest mistakes, and I wasn’t going to repeat it.   I’m just a regular guy.   I don’t need all kinds of money and exposure.  I am paid well enough here, and those who know football respect me.  Heck, some even say I am the best coach in the Pac-10, but I don’t know about that.  Oregon State gave me my first chance to be a head coach, I’m from here, and I like it.   Maybe I’m just wired a little different from other head coaches.   Sports writer don’t bother me.  In fact, I enjoy the conversations.   They are people too, contrary to some coaches’ opnions.   I am just trying to be honest and respectful.   I am rambling inside my own head at the moment, and I need to think about what I should be doing, which is recruiting for Oregon State.  We are bringing in some good kids.   None of them is rated very high by those recruiting services, but that’s OK.  They should work out fine for us, and I like our kids.

Jim Harbaugh turns down an offer to coach the Buffalo Bills.

 Possible Harbaugh thoughts:  I have always wanted to be an NFL head coach, but I can’t leave right after making a big deal about signing a contract extension at Stanford.   I had delayed signing that contract extension for over a year as it was while I looked around for sweeter opportunities.    But now my buddy Pete is gone at USC, so there is an opportunity to be one of the big names on the West Coast, and people really respect you if you can win at Stanford.   Toby Gerhart got some of the credit for us getting to a bowl last season, but with him gone and Andrew Luck back at quarterback, we should do well again, and I will be seen as the reason for the Stanford resurgence.  That ought to be worth some job offers from the NFL.   Besides, who wants to live in Buffalo and coach a team with issues?   Next year at this time, Carolina may be looking for a coach, and I will be there waiting.

Jeff Tedford has had nothing written about him lately.

Possible Tedford thoughts:  I hated it several years ago when I spent most of the offseason denying rumors that I was a candidate for this college job or that NFL job, even though there was nothing to a lot of those reports.   I am glad I didn’t take the job at Kentucky several years ago, because I like it here at Cal.    But it was kind of flattering when I got calls of interest from other schools, and it felt good to know media people thought I should be a candidate for every opening.    No one is calling now, and even the Cal fans are grumbling a bit.   It’s nice that the media are bugging Jim over at Stanford instead of me now, but I was sort of getting used to the idea of being the big cheese in Bay Area college football.   I see now the lack of attention is not a good omen.   I had better start winning some more games here, because we haven’t done as well lately and if we have losing seasons the next two years, I might be out of a job before the performance center I wanted so badly is built.